I hate hearing "no"

It's all about power. I love power. I love the feeling of being in control. I love the thought of someone submitting to me and my will. Anything I say goes. Anything I ask is granted. Who wouldn't want to be God? But is that really true? Is the dom allmighty? The way I see it, hell no.

There's always limits. I hate limits. I hate hearing "no" while I'm doing my best at being dominant. I mean, come on, whatta fuck? How am I suppose to be dominant if really the sub is calling all the shots?

Does this mean the sub should just do everything the dom wants? Well, I suppose in an ideal case the wants and desires of a sub and dom are in unison and thus there's never a need for saying the allmighty no. So far, however, I haven't met such a girl. It's always been me pushing the limits further and further.

Until I find such a girl, I'm going to have to deal with the fact that there's limits, no matter how much I hate 'em. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to make anyone feel bad. Sex is suppose to be pleasant, for both. So I'm going to respect those limits.

Ok, so there's limits and I'm going to have to deal with 'em. How? Should the sub just say no during the act when we go to a region where she's not comfortable. Well, yes, she should. But hearing a no is such a huge turn off. It drops you right down from the skies where you were God. How can we avoid that? By agreeing on the allowed and forbidden areas beforehand.

If something isn't comfortable, go towards it little by little. I'll take anal sex as an example. If the dom wants anal sex, but the sub isn't yet comfortable with it, the sub isn't going to like if forced into it. So first agree beforehand that the dom is allowed to lick the sub's butt. When she's comfortable with that, move on to fingering. Then maybe a toy and finally a cock.

The important thing is that you both know the limits. The sub knows the dom won't go further than agreed and vice versa. Thus we have limits, but the dom doesn't have to get dropped down from heavens by a no.

Of course, if something doesn't feel comfortable even though it's normally in the allowed area, it's OK to say no. Everything just doesn't work out perfectly everytime. That's life. I think hurting someone is a lot worse than dropping out of domspace.

Sex with Christine was special. She'd been reading my blog and I'd gotten familiar with her opinions while chatting on MSN. Of course she knew I was going to spank her, pull on her hair and fuck her up the ass. She wouldn't have wanted to fuck me if she had a problem with that stuff. I knew all that was in the allowed section.

The borderline was vague, since I didn't know if it was OK to make her suck my cock after it had been up her ass. I decided to play it safe just so I don't make her feel bad and so I don't have to hear the feared word "no". I still think it was a good call. By next time, I'll know and then if she's up for it, I can do it and know it's OK by her.

With Christine, I had little fear of hearing no and thus I could concentrate on the essential: being in control. I loved the power I had over her. She was completely at my mercy. Yes, there's always limits, but in a way they are transparent because we both know where they are. To me, it looks like I can do anything because she's not going to say no to anything I make her do. It's a bit twisted, I know, but it works fine for me. What it boils down to is this: I can do whatever I want to, but I don't want to do anything she's not comfortable with.

I have to say this post was probably the hardest so far to put into words. I simply have too little experience to really be talking about the issues above. But hey, I'm not claming I know it all. This is what I think is right at the moment. I'll let you know if I change my mind.