Helpless
I guess I have to admit it to myself. I'm not very satisfied with my sex life at the moment. I probably had more sex when I wasn't dating. The quality is good, but the quantity severely too small. I've managed too see Jenni quite often recently, but still we've only had sex once since I last wrote. What's up with that?
Jenni sleeps over at my place often, but usually I have a lot of stuff to do also in the evening and when I'm done she's either very tired or already asleep. If not, then most probably I'm too tired. If it so happens that we're both horny, awake and available, then she's on her period.
Of course, the longer I am, so to speak, running dry, the more I think about fucking other girls. Fucking Iina, fucking the girl at the reception at work I've mentioned before or fucking a random girl at a bar. It's driving me nuts.
My current life situation in general isn't very relationship-friendly either. At the moment, a girlfriend is not my top priority. I know it's rude to say so, but it's simply the truth. If you can't handle it, you've probably seen too many Hollywood movies where love conquers everything. If I had to make a choice between a girlfriend and my on-going projects (work and hobby-related, not other girls), Jenni would have to go. I'm not interested in starting a family quite yet.
Fuck buddies are very convenient. You want sex, you schedule an appointment, have sex as planned and then get on with the rest of your day. No unnecessary cuddling, talking, just watching TV together. If in need of some closeness and still life, have a girl over for the night and enjoy it, but the good thing is that she'll be off your back when you're recharged again. No obligations.
During the extremely busy episodes in my life it's great when I can just skip the social stuff and jump straight to the fucking. With a girlfriend you have to watch TV, eat together and cuddle when all you need is a pressure reliever before you get on with your work.
Even though Jenni isn't the most important thing in my life at the moment, she still does mean a lot. I love her cheerful and social nature. I love her little habits and her laughter. She always manages to cheer me up, no matter how down I am. I wouldn't want to let go of her.
I don't know what to do. Please share your thoughts.
posted by Farewell @ 9:35 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Gosh. I am so a bad girlfriend. I shouldn't be sitting here and writing this. I should be having sex with my boyfriend!
what you should do is replace the word 'dating' with 'in a relationship' because that's closer the truth, right?
I agree with anonymous. You might be the one who's still dating, but you two are in a relationship. In a relationship you should consider her needs as well.
Do you know what she wants? Are you her top priority? It sounds kind of serious if she comes to sleep at your place even if you're busy working all night etc.
I wouldn't do that - especially if there's not much action - if I didn't care too much. And it's SO frustrating to fall for a guy with prioritys like yours.
Guess I lost my point on the way.. While focusing on the language :)
Anyway, my answer to my relationship problems at the moment is - just go with the flow. And let the other one know how I feel/don't feel.
Oh how helpless you are... but why do you bother to waste your energy on whining about it? After all, echoing your own terminology, Jenni is just a slut. What a bore to just SLEEP at night, or having to socialise before getting to the point.
What do you think she'd wish you to do if she knew these thoughts of your's?
I'm going to say this, even though your answer will most probably be the same old "I'm fucking busy blahblah I want to fuck other girls blah I'm not being a terrible person, just realistic, blahblahblah now you're going to hate me but you're wrong" BS. But you're so FUCKING self-righteous! It's ok not to want a relationship, but you are being a bloody bastard not sharing your thoughts with her. I'm so sick and tired of you being such an ass and just whining about your stupid little self-initiated problems. I mean, could you please get a grip? The blog started soooo nicely with such great stories, but nowadays your writing has no soul left to it whatsoever - have you lost yours or what's wrong? The thing is, at the moment, you don't DESERVE to have a nice girlfriend. How did the saying go again, "ei voi kauhalla ottaa kun on lusikalla annettu"? Yup, that should be it. And I know, I could, of course, stop reading this piece of crap blog of yours, but I'm still wishing that a) you'll come to your senses and realise what it is that's important in your life, what ever it might be, and be happy, which I do not believe you are at the moment or b) get punished big time for being so fucking annoying.
nina:
Yup, probably true ;)
anonymous:
I suppose I should simply define the terms I use. 'In a relationship' and 'dating' may mean different things to different people. Which one is more serious?
daeph:
I'm not quite sure if I'm her top priority. It might be.
vihainen:
I consider myself as a pretty extrovert, but I still have difficulties in addressing certain issues openly. Who doesn't? Are you telling me that your communication with your partners has always been perfect?
And anyway, it's not all about me. Communication is a two-way process. I need to improve, but so does Jenni. We both need to be able to create a proper environment for open communication.
Big words unfortunately don't directly transform into actions. Even though I acknowledge the problem, fixing it is not a snap of fingers.
Thanks for your anger-dripping comment. Keep 'em coming. This kind of stuff always provokes more reflection.
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