The receptionist
The reception girl at work got a promotion and she's moving to another location. I offered to buy her lunch to celebrate so I sort of accidentally got her phone number. Actually, I coulnd't even make it to the lunch, but we agreed to go some other time.
I'm not quite sure how to handle this. I'd love to go, of course. I keep convincing myself that she's just a nice girl and there's nothing wrong with female friends. And it actually might be that my intetions are pure, but I can't really figure myself out for sure.
However, the fact is that if I tell Jenni about this she'll be pissed and won't want me to go. I suppose that should be the tie-breaker. But I'm not married yet, I want to keep my options open. If I find a better brand of morning cereal, I change. Why should it be any different with girlfriends?
Of course, there's a time when you have to commit. I suppose that's what marriage is all about. But I'm not married, hell no. I can still look at the menu, so to speak ;)
posted by Farewell @ 11:21 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
So did you actually offer to buy her lunch or to do something else? Cant you just go for a lunch/meet her otherwise without having to stress about the nature of the meeting beforehand? :> On the other hand, are you really looking for new friends, be it male or female?
"However, the fact is that if I tell Jenni about this she'll be pissed and won't want me to go."
- I personally have never believed in a relationship in which one of the parties will tell the other one what s/he can and cannot do. A relationship is based on trust and functions between two free individuals. Neither one of the parties has the right to "command" the other.
By the way, I find it sweet that you are so determined - or should I even say ferocious - about the fact that marriage is the point after which you will not look back, at the menu.
Farewell, a relationship or marriage is just what you want it to be. You might find true love - something to die for - get married, and be happy, but you will still want to fuck the receptionist. And I bet you will do it. Maybe you know it too.
Some of your views about marriage are... funny, you just keep repeating some common clichés. Maybe most of it is just joking. Anyway, there's more to marriage than "happily everafter". And that's a good thing.
Sure, Jenni can't control you, you have to make your own decisions. But you also have to be ready to face the consequences. If you go and fuck the receptionist (which is the possibility you are trying to find out, right?), then if she finds out you might end up losing both Jenni and finding out that the receptionist isn't really what you're looking for.
anonymous:
I offered to buy her lunch. And you pointed out the exact problem I'm having. I can't figure out my intentions.
It's not that she's bossing me around or anything. I just know she wouldn't like the idea of me having lunch with a girl who is possibly romantically interested in me. And, of course, she has the right to tell me how she feels.
jasu:
I know I'll still be a man after my wedding day. The thing however is that by then I'm either going to have to come to grips with the fact that I'll never have another women or otherwise I won't get married.
I'm not saying marriage means happily everafter. What I mean is that once you get married, you need to commit. Seriously. The way I see it, a marriage is forever.
mies:
I'm not going to fuck the receptionist while dating Jenni. But yes, you're right, I'll try to play it cool and see what happens.
If your gf can't handle you having a female friend, there's something wrong there.
I'm not going to presume to say what it is, but it's not a good thing.
"I just know she wouldn't like the idea of me having lunch with a girl who is possibly romantically interested in me."
Or more likely someone *you* might find romantically interested, right? Like you said, you don't know what your intentions are, so there obviously is a possibility that you will find yourself romantically interested in her.
I'm not trying to moralize here, there's nothing wrong in meeting that girl. Just hoping that you'll be true to yourself, because the less you are aware of your own feelings the more likely you are to make stupid decisions.
I think you should tell Jenni that you are going to have a dinner with the receptionist because it shows her that you want to be honest with her and it (at least) seems that there is not going to happen anything you need to hide from her. I don't say you have to ask a promise to meet that girl, just tell Jenni. Women almost always find out these things and it is better to tell her beforehand so it doesn't seem suspicious.
My boyfriend has many female friends, what sometimes causes problems but I am trying to get over them. The main thing is that I want my boyfriend to be honest with me, I don't want him to hide that he has had a cup of coffee with his friend from university who just happens to be a girl. In a good relationship these things are not problems or at least they will be solved.
I think the only reason why people should get married is when they have lots of common property - marriage isn't a sign of immortal love or commitment. Now I am as committed to my boyfriend as I can ever be and we are not married.
It is funny that farewell thinks that all the girls are romantically interested in him. In my opinion it's almost always other way around. At least in this case..
OK, 1st choice you have: do I want the satisfaction that comes from being the guy I *should* be to keep the bargain with my mate of exclusive dating? Obviously, you wouldn't like it if she was having coffee with some guy she would, if things went well, seriously consider fucking, right? So you can know she won't like it either. And don't rationalize your way around it -- it's not really innocent. It isn't your cousin or something, or a student partner in college. It is an office hottie with whom you are beginnning the process of deciding about having sex with. (And DON'T think that telling Jenni makes it ok or even makes sense -- how would you feel if Jenni announced she was 'having coffee' with a stud at work. You'd know exactly what it meant, and you'd conclude she doesn't like you that much, and that you should break up with her asap.) So you need to decide if it is satisfying enough to you to say to yourself, "1. Jenni won't like this; 2. I want to do right (and get same in return from Jenni); therefore, 3. forget the hottie." This should not be hard if you do feel strongly enough towards Jenni. If saying this makes you cry, and whine "but, but, but", then you're probably not that into Jenni, and really just enjoying the ease of having a gf. Hey I'm in the same place dude, I know. What were all looking for is caring for someone so much that these choices become easy and obvious. Maybe Jenni isn't the one you'll feel that way about. Yes you'll still wan't to fuck every receptionist (and waitress, and ____, and ____), that won't ever change. But if you're lucky eventually a gf (who wil become your wife) will so captivate you that you'll be *happy* to pass all the others by and bring it home. Sounds corny but that's the deal.
I´d like to point out that the only thing we, your readers know about the receptionist is that she´s hot, she´s got tiny tits and you want to fuck her. That´s about all what you´ve told us.
And now, after those posts, you´re seriously saying that you "can´t figure out your intentions"? Talk about fooling yourself.
eric:
It's not about having female friends. If it was only that I would say so and she'd have to deal with it. I agree that she has to accept female friends.
The thing is that I really don't know if I'm being honest to myself if I say I only want to be her friend.
mies:
Yes, you're right.
I'll try to keep my head cool.
n:
No offense, but she most definately will not find out about it if that's how I want it to be. I know how to play that game.
But I do get your point. I'm all for honesty and openness. This is a selfish way of looking at things, but this is how I see it: If I happen to break up with Jenni because of this receptionist girl, it'll be a lot harder if she knows about the deal. (Funny, I managed fit the previous sentence and "honesty" in to the same paragraph;)
I guess my view of marriage is somewhat based on Hollywood movies. Rationally speaking you're probably right.
Yeah, I agree, some facts are funny ;)
an american reader:
I really have a reader outside Finland? That's cool ;)
I have to say, I couldn't agree with you more. It's as if you wrote down my thoughts.
I guess don't feel that strong about Jenni, at least not a the moment, since I'm most probably going to have lunch with the receptionist.
Damn man, keep commenting.
anonymous:
Fooling myself would be to have lunch with her and simply keep repeating to myself it's completely innocent when it's not. I'm doing my best to be aware of what's happening.
I know I want to fuck her. I'd also want to fuck a few other girls I'm friends with, but it doesn't matter since I don't act on it.
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