Pain

As a kid I, if I managed to cut myself somehow, I first poured salt on my wound and then disinfected it several times because I liked the pain the salt and the disinfection liquid caused. I'd forgotten all about this, but now that the memory crept up I thought I'd share since it does quite clearly state that I've been the way I am for most of my life.

It's not all kinds of pain I like. I don't like getting my bones broken or the feeling of a knife cutting me. I suppose it's more the kind of pain that peaks and then eases off. Spanking, hitting, strangling, grabbing. If I could experience the sensation of being shot without dying I think I'd want to try it.

I always thought I am the freak I am because I've been watching porn since I was 11 years old, but it seems I've been at least partially wrong. I don't think I'd seen anything more then underwear commercials when I already enjoyed pouring salt in my wounds. Naturally the porn must've brought out a lot of the stuff I now enjoy, but I'm sure it would've come up in some form anyway. Though maybe not as dominant as it is now.

I know a lot of my wants and desires are very perverted from some point of view. Do I feel bad? Would I want to be normal and just be satisfied with vanilla sex? Well, yes and no.

I'm not ashamed of what I am. Actually quite the opposite. I think a lot of people are missing out on a lot when they're living by the standards set by others. There's so much to explore and experience if you only have the courage to let go and not think what is taboo and what's not and just do what feels good. And maybe some things that feel bad too, since a lot of the really good things don't feel that good the first time around. I don't anyone of us liked coffee or beer the first time we tasted it.

However if I wasn't the freak I am it would be so much easier to find a decent wife. If I could make do with plain, boring intercourse twice a week I'd probably be married to Laura right now. I wouldn't even know the pleasures of strangling a slut while spanking her ass with a leather belt. You can't miss something you don't even know exists.

Even if I could, I wouldn't change things. Nah, I love the twisted me. I like being a beast. I love being a predator and not a sheep.