Status report

I've been in contact with Aino for quite a while. She's actually one of the first girls I ever wrote about in my blog. At the moment she's dating, but things aren't looking especially bright for that relationship. It's been breaking up for a while and I have to admit I've probably had an effect. It's not like I've been trying to make them split up, but I can't say I've been passive either.

We've talked on the phone almost every day and it's always my iniative. I like chatting to her on the phone. I'm being an asshole and I know it since she's in love with me and she'd want to date me, but I've told her it's not going to happen. She must be a bit puzzled and I can't blame her.

Last Sunday I was at her place and after some seamingly innocent caressing we started kissing passionately. Things were starting to get heated, but she stopped me when I started undressing her. Isn't that the most boring thing ever. What's was the point of kissing me if she didn't want to go further? A kiss is cheating too so why not just get on with the rest of it.

I've also met some other girls of which none are worth delving into deeper, literally or otherwise. A junkie, an ex-girlfriend from way back, a girl on a train, etc. I've been doing my groundwork for some new sex relations, but so far nothing's paid off. Oh, well, that's life. You can't win 'em all.

There is this one cheering girl working at the reception of my work place. Her smile is so adorable and she's really outgoing and talkative. Her ass is tight and she's in good shape, but she has no tits at all. I'm not kidding you. There's nothing there. My tits are probably bigger than hers. That doesn't put my down much, though, she's so hot otherwise and anyway it's the butt that counts.

Thanks for your comments! I love the attention ;)

Rain

I was at a friend's party last night trying to get drunk. My friend isn't especially good-looking and once again I witnessed the fact that ugly people have ugly friends. Not a lot of potential targets in sight since the few good-looking ones were there with their boyfriends.

Except this one girl who caught my eye right away. Though She shouldn't be too flattered since it's not hard to spot a daisy from a pile of shit. Anyway, later I found out that the I'd caught her eye too.

I don't think I've ever been picked on so aggressively. From the moment we first started talking it probably took something like 30 minutes for her to be sitting in my lap. Normally I like being discreet with new people, but her vigor approach was flattering so I let her get on with it. Besides, she was six years older than me and single so she had to be good in bed.

Later on I decided to leave the party and head out to a bar where a group of my friends were at. When I asked her to join me the look on her face was pretty much "Hell yeah, I'm going to score!". Of course, I didn't mind.

When we got to the bar a friend of mine started playing around with her. They danced and some of the moves were somewhat questionable from my point of view, but I let it pass since I thought it's good that she gets along so well with my friends.

When the bar closed, which happens at 4 o'clock in Finland, we were invited to an after party. We gladly accepted the invitation and started walking to one of my friends' apartment. She walked with the aforementioned friend of mine, but I didn't mind since I was engaged in a conversation with someone else.

Grabbing my friend's butt, however, was a bit over the top. I didn't say anything at the time, but when we got to the stairs I told my friends me and her would come up in just a sec. When were were alone I told her to piss off. Politely I explained what I thought of her behaviour. She denied it all. "I most definately did not grab your friend's butt. I want you!".

I was pretty drunk so it is possible that I didn't really see what I thought I saw. I'm not trying to bullshit myself here. What I saw just wasn't clear enough for me to be 100% sure. And naturally, I wanted pussy. We talked for a while and she managed to convince me I'd imagined the whole thing. I said I was sorry and we went upstairs.

The after party was OK, but nothing special. We didn't stay there for long and for the whole time she was like glued to me. I guess she didn't want to risk her chance of getting some cock tonight. A little later we took a cab to my place.

I don't think she was planning on having sex that night since there was a bush underneath her panties, but it was evident that normally she shaves. When I stripped her naked I suppose she was thinking "damn I should've shaved tonight". The thought was there and to err is human so I'm going to let her go easy on this one.

I started licking her and only two minutes later she pulled me up. Then she sucked my cock for that same two minutes and then asked "Do have any condoms?". She so reminded me of Laura. Laura is your average finnish guy (yes, guy) when it comes to sex. She just wants to get the foreplay over with so we can start fucking and she can cum. Blah.

I put on a condom and fucked her. Blah. Doggy, missionary. Blah, blah. Of course it felt good, but oh so vanilla. I strangled her just a bit and grabbed her hair, but that's all that was all for the night. What crowned the whole thing was when after I'd been at it for a while she said "Don't you ever cum?" I could've laughed out loud, but I kept my posture. "I cum when I want to" I replied and let myself cum.

In the morning we talked. She'd been married for the last 7 years of her life and gotten a divorce a few months ago. I guess that explains the boring sex. I bet I was like her third or fourth partner ever. I just find it hard to understand how people are satisfied with such lousy sex and never start to exlore anything else. Come on, 7 years of marriage and vanilla intercourse. The only way it makes sense is that they don't know of anything better.

Pain

As a kid I, if I managed to cut myself somehow, I first poured salt on my wound and then disinfected it several times because I liked the pain the salt and the disinfection liquid caused. I'd forgotten all about this, but now that the memory crept up I thought I'd share since it does quite clearly state that I've been the way I am for most of my life.

It's not all kinds of pain I like. I don't like getting my bones broken or the feeling of a knife cutting me. I suppose it's more the kind of pain that peaks and then eases off. Spanking, hitting, strangling, grabbing. If I could experience the sensation of being shot without dying I think I'd want to try it.

I always thought I am the freak I am because I've been watching porn since I was 11 years old, but it seems I've been at least partially wrong. I don't think I'd seen anything more then underwear commercials when I already enjoyed pouring salt in my wounds. Naturally the porn must've brought out a lot of the stuff I now enjoy, but I'm sure it would've come up in some form anyway. Though maybe not as dominant as it is now.

I know a lot of my wants and desires are very perverted from some point of view. Do I feel bad? Would I want to be normal and just be satisfied with vanilla sex? Well, yes and no.

I'm not ashamed of what I am. Actually quite the opposite. I think a lot of people are missing out on a lot when they're living by the standards set by others. There's so much to explore and experience if you only have the courage to let go and not think what is taboo and what's not and just do what feels good. And maybe some things that feel bad too, since a lot of the really good things don't feel that good the first time around. I don't anyone of us liked coffee or beer the first time we tasted it.

However if I wasn't the freak I am it would be so much easier to find a decent wife. If I could make do with plain, boring intercourse twice a week I'd probably be married to Laura right now. I wouldn't even know the pleasures of strangling a slut while spanking her ass with a leather belt. You can't miss something you don't even know exists.

Even if I could, I wouldn't change things. Nah, I love the twisted me. I like being a beast. I love being a predator and not a sheep.

In need of a blowjob

It seems that the first thing I miss when I'm having a dry season is a blowjob. I've spent the last half an hour imagining a girl sucking and licking my cock. I'm going to have to take out my cock and jerk off any minute now.

I suppose a blowjob is the first thing to miss because I can't imitate it with my hands and I'm not stretchy enough to suck my own cock. Actually I probably wouldn't want to give myself a blowjob even if I could. I'm sorry for being so chauvinistic and homophobic, but in my life a blowjob is a girl's task.

I'm sure I could do quite a while without any other sexual activity if I just got a blowjob, say, four times a week. Of course, preferably every day, but I think I could do with four a week.

I'm HIV negative

Got the results from my HIV test. It was negative. I didn't really think it would be positive, but thinking about the result beforehand did freak me out a bit. Well, anyway, it's nice to know for sure that I don't have any STDs.

Anu told me I'm a pig since I stopped calling her and sending her messages right after we had sex. I have very little to say in my own defense. Still, I don't feel bad or anything. She knew what I was after. Naturally I would've kept in touch if the experience had been a little more positive, but I'm not going to say that to her face.

She wants to fuck me again. She tried to make herself fit in my schedule yesterday and today. No spot for her. I would've had time for Christine or Helga, but not for Anu. I am willing to give her another chance, I'm just not going to make much of an effort to arrange it myself.

I don't know what's up with Evita. We're still in contact, but she says she's too busy to meet me. I told her I got the message and that I'm going to stop contacting her, but she said she does want to see me. I guess there's some kind of turmoil in her life at the moment. Pity, I'd love to fuck her after such a long break.

Quiet times

There's not a lot going on in my sex life. Don't really have time to hunt for new pussy and it seems all the older fuck buddies have gone and vanished. Suprisingly, I'm not breaking into pieces just yet. I've enjoyed the peace and quiet, at least most of the time. I have two very able hands that never let me down. They don't take it up the ass, though.

I was out on a date yesterday. I don't think anything is going to happen with her. She seemed very interested, but I think her butt is a a bit too big for my taste. I have to mention that after last night I know what it feels like for a girl to have her breasts stared at all the time. She just seemed to be eating my hands with her eyes. She did compliment them too. It's nice notice someone's interest, but she just took it a bit too far.

Last week I also went in for STD tests. I don't have any symptoms or anything, I just want to know for sure that I don't have anything. I already got my results for gonorrhea and chlamydia, which were both negative. I'll get the HIV-result next week.

I'm afraid I'll get HIV. So far everything's worked out so well for me that I'm afraid my lifestyle is going to catch up with me in someway. I bet at least a few of my readers also think that I'd deserve to get HIV for the stuff I do.

I do use a condom when I have sex, but I use it for birth control. For example I don't think I've ever had anal sex with a condom. I know it's stupid, you don't have to tell me that. Bare in mind however that I don't do one night stands. I trust and know all my partners. It's not fool-proof, naturally, but I think I'm a lot more safe than people fucking random people they meet at a bar.